Savoir faire
by Leather Sky
Summary: I wrote this for a friend ages ago. She wanted Junpei and Akihiko in butler outfits, I delivered. If you're looking for something deep though, the only deep thing in here is Junpei's BS. Works as a P3P sequel to Punchline if that floats your boat.


"_Why_ us?"

Junpei was only echoing Akihiko's thoughts, but it annoyed Akihiko anyway. It wasn't like he had nothing better to do than run around serving drinks to a bunch of worthless rich people. "Look, everyone else is busy, suck it up."

"...but these clothes?"

Akihiko gritted his teeth. "I don't wanna hear it! I don't like this any more than you."

Junpei sighed and looked over the suit he had been given. "How do you even put these damn things on?"

Akihiko was tired of listening, so he started throwing. "Pants! Shirt! Vest! Jacket! ...any questions!"

"Ah! One thing at a time! They're getting wrinkled!" Junpei scrambled to catch everything. Akihiko didn't answer, so Junpei sullenly watched him getting into his own uniform for awhile. "...at least help me with my tie."

"Oh I'll help you with it all right."

"...on second thought I think I can get it..." Junpei hurried off.

Akihiko sighed and went back to straightening his jacket. Then he went over to the mirror to examine himself. Junpei and he had been hustled to a cramped men's room the size of a closet and handed these stupid tuxes to assist as waiters at a charitable event hosted by the Kirijo Group. So much for doing anything productive tonight.

As he stepped out of the room Akihiko nearly collided with Junpei. "What now? Did you forget something?"

"No man, check it out. I found these in the coat room!" Junpei beamed and held up his prizes.

"...you stole a hat."

"Borrowed! Hey, don't I look awesome?" Junpei plopped the top hat on his head and struck a pose. "_Dressed up like a million dollar trooper_, baby!"

Between the posing and Junpei's questionable English pronunciation, Akihiko had no words. He decided that the best thing to do was turn around silently and walk in the other direction.

"Wait! Wait! I got you one too."

"Excuse me? I'm not wearing a hat."

"No no..." Junpei ran up to him and without warning, stuck something on his face from behind.

Akihiko blinked and then found himself veering a little to the right, then the left. "What the hell did you do to my eyes!"

"It makes you look distinguished."

"It makes me _blind_!" Akihiko reached up to take off the glasses, but Mitsuru was storming down the hallway towards them like a very beautiful and elegant freight train.

"Where have you two been! We needed you in the ballroom twenty minutes ago!" She paused. "Junpei, what is that ridiculous thing on your head?"

"You know you want some of this." Junpei grinned playfully.

Mitsuru was not amused. "...we will discuss that remark later during your Execution, Iori." Junpei flinched and Mitsuru rounded on Akihiko.

"I had nothing to do with this," he said defensively, before she could accuse him.

Mitsuru narrowed her eyes a little and leaned forward to scrutinize him. "Something's different...you seem more distinguished somehow. Well, no matter, you two had better hurry." And with that, she was off again.

Akihiko was speechless for the second time that night. Junpei had to tug on his elbow a couple of times before he followed him to the ballroom.

The actual job itself didn't give either boy much time for thought. Akihiko normally would have handled something like this with ease and efficiency, but with that nameless guest's glasses on his face he had to struggle with depth perception. Junpei watched with innocently sadistic glee as Akihiko wove and bobbed between the tables, desperately trying not to drop champagne on anyone. Then he had to turn his attention back to his own tray before he did the same thing.

After the ordeal was over, Akihiko had a headache and Junpei had sore feet. He had already been discovered and reprimanded by the original owner of the top hat, so his head was bare. Akihiko had distractedly pushed his glasses up onto his hair and then left them there. Two little red marks sat on either side of his nose.

"Can you believe that we have to clean up!" Junpei kicked at a chair half-heartedly.

Akihiko rubbed his eyes miserably. "...would you stop complaining? We said we would do it, so..."

Junpei crossed his arms and glared at him. "Oh come on. Did you ever actually agree?"

"...well..."

"Yeah! So it's not fair."

Akihiko stopped rubbing and looked at him with slightly red-rimmed eyes. "Fine...it's unfair. But if we don't get up off our asses, we'll be here all night."

Junpei smirked a little. "...I can't believe the way you wore those things all night just because _she_ liked 'em..."

Akihiko turned red. "What! I-I forgot they were on!"

"Whatever, you took them off the second she left." Junpei's tone was smug.

"...oh damn I still have them...and the guests have left." Akihiko suddenly looked panicked.

Junpei waved his hand, unconcerned. "You saw how drunk all those freaks got...they'll call tomorrow thinking they just left 'em here." He leaned forward and plucked them off Akihiko's head. "And they'll be right there in the coat room."

Akihiko sighed. "...I guess."

"You worry too much, Senpai." Junpei stood up and stretched his arms. Both he and Akihiko's jackets and vests were already thrown across one of the tables. Ties were undone. All that was left was to put the chairs on the tables and empty the ashtrays.

Akihiko stood up with him and methodically went about putting chairs up. He jumped a minute later when Junpei appeared right behind him. "I did look good in the hat though, huh? You think she noticed?"

"Tell me you're kidding."

"What!" Junpei was indignant. "Women can't resist a suave, sophisticated man of the world."

"I'm sure if Mitsuru meets one of them she'll be putty in his hands." Akihiko's voice was dry.

Insulted, Junpei decided to tease him back. "You know, you looked pretty cute in glasses."

"WHAT!" The chair Akihiko was holding hit the floor.

"Er...what?" Junpei backed away. "You looked uncertain for once...it was kinda cute!"

Akihiko favored him with an angry look that wasn't uncertain at all and Junpei gulped.

"At least I wasn't running around looking like some kind of two-bit Houdini!"

"Gee Senpai, were you watching me too? I'm flattered." Junpei only dared to say this because he intended to duck behind one of the decorations and bolt out the fire exit immediately afterwords. Accordingly, he took one more step back.

Unfortunately for Junpei, after such a tedious night Akihiko wasn't in the mood to worry over a few pillars and plants. He easily caught him by diving right through instead of going around. Junpei yelped as they landed in an untidy heap on a bed of artificial plants, sending leaves and stems flying.

Akihiko didn't smile or say anything insulting, he just pulled his fist back.

Junpei's eyes widened. "Ah! Don't kill me! You're not cute! I take it back!" He shut his eyes tightly and held up his hands protectively.

Akihiko paused. "That's better."

"Yeah, not cute at all. Kinda scary." Junpei peeked up at him from between his hands. "Hideous even."

"...you're pushing it." But Akihiko was biting his lip and trying not to laugh.

Junpei, making a show of unconcern, propped himself up on his elbows and looked around casually. "...what the hell are these things anyway? You'd think the Kirijo Group could afford better shit than this. Maybe this was the party for the _unimportant_ rich people." He stuck a fake flower in his teeth. "Matches my eyes though."

"You're insane."

"I made you smile."

"Did not!"

They argued a little longer and then Akihiko made to get up. "Come on, I want us to get to bed sometime tonight."

"Senpai!" Junpei hit him with a fake shrub. "I'm not that kind of girl."

"You idiot!" More leaves and stems were disheveled, then all activity in the floral display seemed to cease. After awhile the plants started moving again. They moved for quite some time.

Later that night Akihiko flicked off the light to the ballroom and heaved a weary sigh. "Well...that's over with."

Junpei dusted off his knees. "Do you mean our job or the other stuff?"

The color came to Akihiko's cheeks. "Would you shut up about that? That was the champagne talking..."

"We didn't drink the champagne."

"Shut up."

On the way back to the dorm they walked a little closer together than usual.


End file.
